From Dread to Done: 5 Mindset Shifts to Overcome Feedback Avoidance

It’s a moment most of us dread at work: “I think I need to give someone feedback.” The only thing harder? Avoiding it for so long that the issue festers, and you start feeling complicit.

We avoid giving feedback for many reasons:

• Relationship: Not enough connection or trust built to take the leap.
• Timing: Not enough face time or 1:1 space for a meaningful conversation.
• Power dynamics: Fear of feedback undermining your standing when the other person holds influence over your role or success.
• Over-care: Empathizing with their challenges so much that we excuse sub-par behavior.
• Imposter syndrome: Questioning your interpretation of the situation or whether your feedback is valid.

As with tackling any challenge, the right mindset can make all the difference. Here are five mindset shifts to help you overcome feedback avoidance:

Mindset Shift #1 - Feedback is just an opinion

No matter how thoughtful or right you are about a situation, your feedback isn't the "Truth". It's an opinion. One that's ideally based on clear expectations, values, and good intent.

When we reframe our feedback as observations to share, this removes a bit of weight. Do my coworkers want ideas on how we can work better? Most likely!

This mindset also makes starting the conversation easier. Try saying:“Can I share an observation about our work together?”

Mindset Shift #2 - Tie it to an expectation and impact

If you're worried about whether or not the feedback is meaningful, look no further than work expectations. Does your feedback line up with company values, their job description, metrics or other goals? If you think someone's actions are holding them back from achieving expectations, it's worth sharing.

Grounding feedback in expectations makes it clearer and less personal. Compare:

• “Why are you wearing a blue shirt?”
• With: “At the Gap, we wear white shirts so customers can easily identify staff. I noticed you’re not wearing one today. Everything okay?”

This approach connects the feedback to a clear standard and demonstrates your intent to support, not judge.

Mindset Shift #3 - Own what you can know

One framework that's especially good for addressing tricky feedback situations is the Intention-Impact framework. This is described in Fred Kofman's must-read book Conscious Business.

Here's the script:

"Hi {Name}, I assume you have the best intent for our work together. I wanted to share that recent [ACTIONS - e.g. communication, negativity] - like [SPECIFIC EXAMPLE] -have had [INSERT] impact on me/the work. I'd love to chat through the best way for us to work together so this can be a huge success".

This framework is effective because it:

• Forces you to assume good intent and keeps you genuinely curious
• Focuses on actions vs the person
• Keeps you talking about the one thing you DO know - the impact on you
• Gives the person data they do NOT know - the impact their actions are having on you (everyone has blind spots!)
• Keeps everyone focused on progress
• Opens the floor for feedback without labelling it as feedback

If they justify their behavior (e.g., “I’ve been stressed”), stay focused on the impact. True progress comes when they acknowledge it. Also, be open to hearing feedback about how your actions may have impacted them.

Mindset Shift #4 - It's OK to get it "wrong"

Many of us hold back from feedback out of fear that we're wrong. "I was being too sensitive" or "Maybe others like that style?".

Rather than worry about what's right or wrong, share the feedback and be open. You may hear their side of the story and realize you misinterpreted things.

As long as you own your miss, you will still feel better that you clarified. Your relationship will be stronger because you trust one another to be honest and vulnerable.

Mindset Shift #5 - Hard now vs harder later

Another reason to avoid giving feedback is concerns about a negative response. This prospect is darn scary. However, if the feedback is relevant you'll avoid much greater negative impact by addressing it now.

Chances are, the same actions may be affecting others. Or the person might develop a negative habit or their performance could decline past the point of saving. Now you've got a real mess to clean up.

Not to mention, the recipient may wonder why no one said anything before. As Harvard Business Review covers, Your Employees Want the Feedback you Hate to Give. Their research finds 92% of employee respondents agreed, "Negative feedback, if delivered appropriately, is effective at improving performance".

Conclusion

Instead of thinking - "I need to give feedback," try -"I want to figure out a better way to work together".

By embracing these mindset shifts, feedback becomes less about confrontation and more about collaboration.